Bad Bad Life I guess

Ever since after my O lvls till now , everything that happen to me or things that I do seems really shitty . Wat I get is always disappointment and failure and the cycle wont stops. Sometimes I really wonder how those Ah gong and Ah ma can hold hands walking in the streets together with thier sons and daughters with them and seems so romantic and sweet . I really envy them alot of because both of them endure all shit and happiness together and thats what makes them able to "Bai Tou Xie Lao" . And also walking the life journey together till death do them apart.


For me , every little thing I do , the result is something worse and nothing seems to be right . I remember during Os levels , I know that my maths is the weakest of all subjects so I practice day and night hoping to get just a C6 and I actually did my whole 10 years series book twice and DID NOT STUDY MY OTHER SUBJECTS I SWEAR. But the result I got was D7 and I couldnt get into any poly during 2007 . Seriously the feeling was somehow like the end of the world . Is like I spend most of the time just doing maths and I could say maths whole day and this is what I get at the end of the day . Hardwork for me is just a waste of time . It doesent paid off and what I get is shit . My mom just simply screw me upside down by saying that why dint You study hard for it and I tried defending myself but at the end , we argue until my neighbours could heard what I exactly said and my mom  was damn pissed as she said I do not understand her well enough and could not fulfil her wish . For me . Is like a series of unfortunate events till now 2010! . After that I took my traffic police test for manual car 3 times and went for 31 practical lessons . The Fees was like $3125 SGD. My dad was rather much more of  financially support and he give me a word of enouragement . " I will give keep supporting you to take your test until u pass  "


Soon I went to MI and in order to promote to year 2 , I need to pass 2 higher 2 subjects . So I once again Work hard in my economics and Business management . During the promos exams for economics , there was this essay question WHICH IS SWEAR I KNOW HOW TO DO and it was 13 marks . Than once I done , I tot I will get at least 10 for it . But when I get back the paper it was actually 0 for that question and I check why . I wrttien one word wrongly in the definition and the whole essay wrong . Is was like !#$@%^ .
So because of that question I fail my econs and I pass my business management. But overall I was asked to repeat of that year . How saddening life ehhs , My dad and Mom once again , O levels you fail and now in MI , you failed again . I believe this is the worse scenario of my life so far which whatever thing that I do I failed and failed . I try picking myself up , but the results is always the opposite which is Failure once again .


For my relationships with my parents for now , It is okay but than I could sense something that is worse going to happen soon which I dunno why either . Maybe I have failed to much in my life that I could not expect something good to happen . But the past 4 years , I have actually been a loser which I can label myself as . There was not a single day or event that can really make my happy . In my heart , everything that was just pure sadness . Every plan that I did and every stuff that I do was disappointing and nothing seems to be right for me . Lady luck was always not with me and I failed everytime .


Recently there was this girl that I met and she was really nice , she was actually my secondary school mate and I dint know how I met her . So we chatted for some time and a few weeks back , I asked her whether I got a chance and she said yes . I was quite happy for some time and then things started to change for the worse . When ever I ask her out , she begins to say she is lazy and she wanna stay at home . She dint know how much I really wanna see her and talk to her . So I need to like keep asking than she will forcefully say anything . I feel that if it was supposed to be like that all this while , things will not get better in the end . So I text her saying that " I think we should not contact each other again I guess " and was hoping that she would reply to explain if she still had that little feeling , but she dint bother to explain . Maybe she was looking for someone that could entertain her all this while . So I guess I m just a passer by. But all I could say was she had actually left footprints in my heart for her little sweetness sometimes and her smile.


Is really sad to see my life like that , but no matter how much I pick myself up , there is always disappointment.






I feel pretty awesome after blogging this shit out that kept in me for like several years as I got really no one that I could talk to. Hopefully the coming years , everything would be just fine .